Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize