Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
how drunk are you?
Several
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
