dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
time to smoke my breakfast
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
