the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
