There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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