My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
