What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will be naked everywhere
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
