I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
