Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
