You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
