nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
