Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize