Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just pynch a tree in the face
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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