I think my fart just growled at me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
