if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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