Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
