I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
