Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
