i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
