Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
