i was born a porn star she said
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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