my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
