my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize