I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize