Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Screwed.edu
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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