hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
