so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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