No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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