I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
