Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
