Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
