If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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