can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
