Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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