I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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