my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
