Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
