Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
