Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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