I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
