Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
