Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
