I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we should paint friendship bongs
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