shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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