You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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