it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
