my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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