Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
