I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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