She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
