I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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