Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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