Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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