i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
