Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
