Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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