Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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