my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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