Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
