When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize