Quick, to the slutcave!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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