Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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