anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
