Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They are going to name an STD after you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize