i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
