Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
