i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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