Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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