He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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