He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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