how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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