I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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