Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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