He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
