I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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