you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
