Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
