i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
