Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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