that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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