It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
