dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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