Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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