I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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