i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
