as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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