Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
