Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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