You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
