Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I will pee on everything he values.
We left the knife in your bed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
