She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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