Ketchup is God's man juice
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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