Pants 0. Shit 1.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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