I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
