Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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