woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
