I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
