tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
