just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
