1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
