As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Randomize
