I just cut my nipple shaving
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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