my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
